Like a Leak in My Kayak

"Several years ago, while on vacation, I wanted to go kayaking for the first time. I rented a kayak, and full of enthusiasm, I launched into the sea.

"After a few minutes, a wave overturned the kayak. With a great deal of effort, holding the paddle in one hand and the kayak in the other, I was able to regain my footing.

I tried again to paddle my kayak, but just a few minutes later, the kayak tipped over again. I stubbornly kept on trying, to no avail, until someone who understood kayaking told me that there must be a crack in the shell and the kayak must have filled up with water, making it unstable and impossible to control. I dragged the kayak to the shore and removed the plug, and sure enough, out came a large amount of water.

"I think that at times we move through life with sins that, like the leak in my kayak, impede our spiritual progress.

"If we persist in our sins, we forget the covenants we have made with the Lord, even though we keep capsizing because of the imbalance that those sins create in our lives.

Like the cracks in my kayak, the cracks in our lives need to be dealt with." (source)

I float in a fast current with my eight kids, volunteering, homeschooling and ministering responsibilities. I often feel like I'm sinking. Coming up for air and seeing daylight motivates me to keep paddling. Over the course of life, I've come to understand that in some ways, there are cracks in my exterior that cannot be ignored. The water that gets in at those weak spots makes my life harder to control at crucial junctures.

Most of my biggest weaknesses were not ones that I was able to describe. They were letting in water without my knowledge. God gives men weakness that they may be humble. I believe that through prayer, seeking knowledge and inspiration, I have received the help I needed to fill in some of my weaknesses with strength.

Recently I have been working on addressing a fear that has limited me in many ways. This fear was described accurately in a psychology book that I purchased to gain understanding. Then I had to pray about my actions especially the reflexes that happen without thinking. In trying to overcome this challenge I have needed extra personal time for meditation. I mention this to explain that there is a cost associated with filling cracks. I have also chosen to practice behaviors that are the opposite of fear. I have a natural resistance to these behaviors. That indicates that there is potential there. I think that my efforts will pay off but not immediately. I believe that the atonement of Jesus Christ can heal all aspects of our souls but we have to ask the right questions about our weaknesses and approach the solution with faith and endure to the end of the process.